I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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