How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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