My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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