nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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