I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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