Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
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Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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