so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize