He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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