Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize