I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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