when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
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Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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