I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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