I wish I could teleport
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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