just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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