Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize