When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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