I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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