Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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