My cat gives me a boner
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize