dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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