So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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