I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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