Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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