Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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