i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You pole danced in your parka.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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