my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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