he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize