My liver just broke up with me...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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