2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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