no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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