The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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