i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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