Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize