Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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