Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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