I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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