You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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