69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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