He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
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I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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