yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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