I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize