I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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