Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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