he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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