I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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