So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize