A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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