I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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