So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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