OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize